Shade of Lust (Episode 19)

Shade of Lust (Episode 19)

‘’someone is seriously asking me out. He has been disturbing
me for months now and I haven’t really said anything to him.
He isn’t a student but a banker though he just started work
this year. He is really very serious about me and is even
trying to get my close friends to introduce him to my family.
I’m yet to decide anything but sooner or later I will’’ she
poured out and waited for me to at least say something. I
swallowed hard, unable to say a word.

Of course what she just told me really hurt even though I
carried a defiant look. I couldn’t imagine her being close to
another guy the way we have been over the past few months.
I couldn’t keep the idea of another man making love to her in
my head. She just was someone too precious to me, too
precious to be defiled.

I didn’t touch her nor attempt making love to her in the past
because I wanted her to remain pure and clean. I just was so
confused and speechless. I didn’t just know what to say.
‘’I see you have nothing to say?. Okay then, goodnight’’ she
breathed, stood up and headed towards the door.
‘’no wait’’ I suddenly breathed, stopping her with my outburst.
She turned and faced me curiously, while I rushed forward and
embraced her.

‘’I don’t want you to go away even though I don’t deserve you.
I want us to be together’’ I heard myself plead with a silent
whisper.
‘’I still don’t understand you. You don’t want to be open with
me. I have to know where I stand in your life’’ she demanded,
breaking free from me as we stared at each other. Our hearts
pounding loud.

Jude’s side of the story continues
I wanted Tracy to be with me but equally wanted to continue my
runs with Pamela which really would be totally impossible if I was
to be with Tracy whose sharp eyes were second to none in
noticing things. Yes you can term me greedy, stupid or silly but
that moment I clearly wasn’t thinking straight. I had to let go of
one of them, preferably Pamela but just couldn’t.
Pamela to me was an adventure. A game I needed to conquer
while Tracy on the other hand was a lady that I needed to keep for
the future. Yes Tracy was my future.

‘’I want to be with you. Your company, your strength, your
character is nothing but perfect. I can’t imagine staying in this
school without your friendship and support but my greatest fear is
disappointing you. I currently have nothing to offer but misery and
pain. I know my words sound so strange right now and you feel
like you know me but you don’t know half of the things I have
done and that’s pushing me away from you because I have a
conscience. I like you Tracy. Believe me I really do. A part of me
strongly wants to hold you tight to my chest but another part of
me wants you to have nothing to do with me’’ I confessed, looking
down with great confusion.

It really took me a lot to pour out my honest heart to her.
I never knew she was capable of making me reveal my heart with so
much energy.

She slowly raised my face to look into my eyes.
‘’yes I used to know you. I used to know what you were capable
of. I knew about your involvement with other ladies in the past but
I never confronted you with it. However I knew what you felt for
me was different. You always protected me like a brother. You
made sure I was always happy. You bought things for me and
never for once tried to get intimate with me even when we slept on
the same bed. But ever since your dad died, you totally changed.

You became unreadable and withdrawn. It pains me to see you
this way’’ she breathed solemnly, shaking me with her words.